Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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