I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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