i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize