Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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