every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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