I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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