Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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