I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
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