thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize