that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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