Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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