A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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