I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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