I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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