Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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