she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
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He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
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I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
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