I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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