Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
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He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
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I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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