so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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