dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
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