Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
sarcasm needs its own font
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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