I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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