My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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