This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
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You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
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We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
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