we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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