why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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