Just cropdusted the office
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
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CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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