Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
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its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
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We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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