I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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