i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
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I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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