she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
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No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
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She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize