Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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