You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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