just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Randomize