put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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