you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
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I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
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Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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