I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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