Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
cat food counts as protein by the way
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Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
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I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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