so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
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i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
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And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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