I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
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I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
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Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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