i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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