This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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