There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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