So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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