I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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