Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
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at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
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its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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