Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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