his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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