Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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