kristin has been a bad kristin
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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